i’ve been way to busy to blog. I have finals to finish, projects to do, things to pack. there isn’t any time for any thing except trying to stay stable.
I miss you Kev. I wish I could be with all the people that loved you and be in a community where you were loved and known. For now I gotta finish things out here.
I found your note yesterday that you sent me last year in the care package from everyone in youth. I stared at it for a long time before I could do anything else. I know you’re still here. I know you’re the one holding my hand through these last days before I’m home. Thank you sweet boy. You are so missed.
Today one of my best friends in high school passed away in a rock climbing accident. He graduated 2 weeks ago from high school, He hadn’t even started college or anything. someone tell me how that is fair? I can’t understand why this happened.
At my house back home tonight, our whole youth group was over and they grieved together. I would do anything to be home and in the company of those amazing people. My head hurts from crying so much and all I want is my sister’s hand to hold and my mom’s shoulder to cry on and my dad to tell me everything is ok. Between the toughest year of my life to date, finishing finals, and being in a different state than my boyfriend and now one of the most loving and caring people i’ve ever met being unjustly taken from this world all I want to do is go home.
Someone told me tonight, from experience, that this is the most important thing right now. If other things are sacrificed a little, it’s ok. Because grieving is important and has to come naturally, and doesn’t always come conveniently when you want it to. So here’s to hoping the little Kevin sized hole in my heart is filled with the love and light he left behind soon instead of the hollow feeling of losing a friend.
there’s a puzzle in my ribcage made of pieces for each of the people that have touched my life. and no matter how many, when one is missing, it is painfully noticeable.
Kev, You were incredible. When you were around, no one was frowning. There are so many people you touched. It still hasn’t hit me you’re gone, that I won’t see you at church anymore on Christmas. That i’ll never see you ski in that damn speedo again. That i’ll never get to see that toothless grin except in pictures. I can’t even tell you how much you will be missed. Can’t wait to see you again.